Sometimes it seems as though you have always lived your life in winter, with all your emotions in deep freeze. Then a little something happens and you will be experiencing the most beautiful cold season you’ll ever know.

That’s exactly how I felt when you came into my life. The moment my eyes met yours from across that crowded anime convention. I discovered again what it feels like to really live and not merely exist. I realized that I am not just a speck of dust on Earth but that the universe was created just for me, that I exist for the mere purpose of meeting you on that windy day from a long time ago. The world belongs to just the two of us, even when we’re accompanied by a friend of mine. Two souls who are finally reunited after centuries of being apart.

I loved you. Maybe more than I will ever love myself. And you loved me too. We were living in a paradise of rainbows, unicorns, and wildflowers. Our love was stronger than any storm. But in its wake also comes destruction. In the process of falling in love, we also destroyed ourselves. But we never knew that until it’s already too late for the two of us, We were already broken. The chasm between the two of us can no longer be bridged, so you decided to let me go.

In the time of my absence that followed, you fell in love with another guy while I spent my nights staring at the stars wishing that you will fall in love with me again. I wished that wishes do come true. Unfortunately, mine did not. I continued loving you from a distance while you hold his hands while walking on every places we might have been. For every loving smile and warm touch you bestow him, I found myself shedding those sad and lonely tears. But I am really happy for you. I am glad that I did not totally destroy you. That you are still brave enough to fall in love again. My only regret is that I am not like you.

I became a different person after we parted. I turned into someone whom I really hate. I lost myself in the process of loving you. I became desperate like I’ve never been desperate before. I killed that sweet and caring guy whom you used to love. I buried him in that attic where he kept all your beautiful memories together. But I know that he is still waiting for you to come back.

I am grieving for him too. So I am sending him this letter to tell him that you are truly happy now. Maybe not with him but with someone as wonderful as he was. To tell him to stop waiting anymore. To tell him that it is time to let you go.

Perhaps he will never be happy again as much as he was with you and his laughter will never will be as vibrant as before, but someday, somehow, the twinkle in his eyes will return and corners of his mouth will slowly curl into a smile. But he will never ever forget that you were the most beautiful winter he ever knew.

He was the man who cried an ocean for you. He was me.


~ by protagonist on March 5, 2016.

2 Responses to “Winter.”

  1. This is the most heartfelt composition that you made. Im just passing by to remind you that there is more to love in this world. This might be the coldest months of your life but please know that things will get better. Eventually. It will take time, i guarantee that. But time heals everything. If only i had tardis to show you your future self. You will be happy again someday. Perhaps not the same person as before but definitely a stronger, better one. I hope someday you’ll feel the same feeling i had when i moved on. It’s a feeling even more euphoric, perhaps even more wonderful than falling in love. A feeling that will make you see even more colorful colors because you realized that destiny will lead you into a better, brighter future. You wont be shackled by the same chains that you are in today. Because even though you wont have the same beautiful winter again, remember that summer has yet to come.

  2. I always wonder how have you been, hoping that you’re still busy chasing stars even though it’s already with someone else. Choose to be happy.

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