Feel check.

The feeling…

…of not being needed.
…of overdemanding attention from someone and not getting it.
…of doing everything and feeling not appreciated after it.
…of trying to fix things and end up messing it up more.
…of having to fake smiles because you don’t want to look too helpless
…of trying to restrain yourself from things that would hurt you more but you still do them anyway
…of doubting your self-worth
…of not being necessarily sad, just empty
…of not really knowing what the fuck you’re actually feeling.
…of needing help but no one to run to.
…of trying to look tough but realizing no mask could hide how vulnerable and fragile you really are.
…of ending up hating yourself because you have no idea how to solve your own fucking problems.
…of giving your all to someone who, you know, won’t even fight for you.
…of not being understood.
…of understanding another instead but being pushed away.
…of exerting effort and shrugging it off in one go.
…of someone giving up on you in a heartbeat.
…of not wanting to feel everything at all.

That’s what. Toodles.


~ by protagonist on July 24, 2014.

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