diver.

The horizon is fading away. You can’t even depict tomorrow in a sky so blue. I’m unable to even breathe amongst the crowds of frozen people. How long has it been since I dived into this place? Would it be better if I just looked ahead and let my sorrow vent out? But then I couldn’t be very honest… even when I hand everything over to my enemies, I can faintly sense light. I wonder if it will make it all the way down to me?

I want to breathe but I’m having difficulty. Simply looking up into the dark of night, I am a diver struggling with sickness from descent. Even though I’m alive, I need to make sure. So as I aim for the deep seabed, I’ll breathe once again.

When I turned over the map for the inside of my mind last night, it was filled with the knowledge of what I lack, leaving me alone and frightened. Even though I always thought that I was strong, I had always thought that I was stronger than any other person. A swan that had become lost was floating in the starry night sky. As though it were comfort, the rain began to fall. But it appears that we can’t even become that; if a star is a star, then I can only be myself.

I wonder how far I could go?

Carrying a heavy anchor on my back, I utter a tiny little prayer. and just as though it were a sign, the rain began to fall. I want to breathe but I’m having difficulty here. I simply look up into the dark as a diver without a means of surfacing. Even though I’m alive, I need to be perfectly sure. So as I aim for the deep seabed just this one last time, I’ll try my hand at breathing.

If I could come to realize just a fraction of happiness, I would never drown again…

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~ by protagonist on December 19, 2011.

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