rondo capriccio

my stock knowledge is not sufficient enough for some items on the free pre-UPCAT today. it may seem easy for me when it comes to grammar and comprehension, but when math emerges, i drowned. yes indeed, i was overwhelmed, enough for me to reload myself again with magnum opuses. it was compensation with a twist of anxiety that i wouldn’t pass(i hope i would) and a bit too numb right now to feel anything. all i wanted is to be accepted. that is one thing that i never made last. wee~ looking only at the brighter side makes it feel a little significant to pursue this i-don’t-know-why test. but i think it was better than staying in an output of nothing.

i usually think positive though. some facts also made me strive for that goal. one is that i achieved 122/210, based on one of the pre-UPCAT test also that was given by my aunt lucy. to some, it may seem good enough. for me, it’s not. it was my fault actually. i keep on blaming others but then it turned out that it was the slowpoke mode that made me like this. i am sooo tardy and lazy. hehe. a portfolio wish to be thrown in a bin for sure. gee, i must listen to mr. carubio and sir dodie’s wake-up call or else, even draining it all, UPCAT would only suck myself in. i better not expect too much from myself.

while spending time with new seatmates, i learn to test my courage to face even the people that i think that would intimidate me. i didn’t expect that they were sooo vulnerable. they are just human beings like me. the “i thought of something bowt him/her” is absolutely nothing. i keep on repelling but the real image resides in the true meaning of unity – every one of us. they made me realized too that social life is vanity too, and vanity isn’t that bad. all they wanted is for me to realize and change for the better. good grief but thanks dane.

for now, i must do these and that. for now, i’ll stick to facts and learn to formulate INTELLIGENT theories of life. for now, my wisdom meal must also be accompanied by chicken soup for the soul. for now, i must not be carefree and be restless enough, enough that i could float out in diversity. for now is the time to change. but the grim truth is…

” i am brilliant… but lazy.”


~ by protagonist on August 2, 2006.

2 Responses to “rondo capriccio”

  1. I agree… vanity is NOT bad after all!

  2. vanity?
    if it makes u happY? y not..
    love is worst than vanity!
    happy may it seem
    deep inside is anguish and haterd….

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