2015 + 1

January 1, 2016

Happy new year you. It’s been ten months of you waiting. Guess what? I got something to tell today. Let me tell you what happened, what changed, what doesn’t and what I miss.

2015 is a boring rollercoaster ride. I’ve been into a job (yes, you read it right) where all I do is sit, design and eat to my hearts content. Too bad it doesn’t pay as much as my former but i like it. I’m still into gaming and I’m still good at it, maybe deteriorated a bit. I’m still the skinny Doctor who travels in time and space using my mind as the Tardis. I’m still losing friends and more so, precious ones this year. I’m into raffles and I’ve won a bunch, including this phone am currently using to type this. Pretty neat phone if you ask me… If only you can see it. I’m currently level 33 in Google Play and I pirate apks and movies and series cuz why not. I still watch and indulge series and novelty dramas. Who knew Clara Oswald and Jon Snow would die both? Don’t blame me for spoilers. Hmm… I’m the same lazy me except I earn a bit by not doing so. I learned to be more practical and I learned to endure hardships… Physical ones to be exact. Karma caught up to me and this year has been the worst. So, overall… It’s lame. I thought the simple moments and burst of happiness here and there would save but no. This is me being honest… or this is me talking because I am sad at the moment. I don’t know but that’s what I feel right now.

And oh what I miss? The past years where fireworks are the people that makes my heart go bam. The experiences where even I am alone, I was never… Because they pull me to the abyss I build myself in… Because they know what a person I am. I’m not me anymore. I tried (and still doing so) to be a better person for someone who can’t see right through me. I can’t believe I am still in this state. I don’t know but I hope 2016 will turn a new leaf for us. If not, my essay is pretty much ready.

Let me be brave. Let me face the raven one last time.


Turning 25.

February 21, 2015

“I don’t think I want that.”

This is my approximate thought when I see yet another Facebook acquaintance blow their life savings on the usual material and life-fulfilling investment: a house, a car, a grand business scheme. It’s a consistent, resounding, and distinct murmuring in the back of my mind by the time I’ve reached the climax of every romantic comedy. It’s the only statement running through my head when I see the people around me making decisions that could keep them bound to a single 100-mile radius for the rest of their lives.

This errant thought isn’t exactly the best of friends with my co-existing desire for security and stability in a world where we’re all just a few wrong steps away from having none at all. Sometimes all I want is to curl up in a corner and imagine what life was like just 10 years ago, when my biggest issue was what I was going to play on my Playstation One.

Tomorrow I’ll turn 25. It’s an age that I’ll just take as a normal number. I figured I’d have everything I ever wanted in life by this point, because everything would have gone as planned. I never would have hurt anyone and no one ever would have hurt me; I’d never meet people who led me to question everything I was doing and all the things I wanted. Good and bad behaviors and people would be easy to pinpoint, clear as night and day. There’d be no shades of grey. No, not even in the form of everyone’s hype now because of the damn censor in cinemas.

There would be nothing messy, no one earth-shattering. I would always be completely satisfied.

But I’m learning to accept that it’s true what they say — life is unpredictable, if you’re lazy and full of shit, you wouldn’t get anywhere in life and if you make the wrong decisions, you’ll regret it everyday. It’s what I am now but in my own, though, there’s been a single, reliable constant: I want to travel and time travel. I don’t want to be confined in this life anymore. The only thing I want, to put it simply, is the world.

It’s one of the only activities that keeps me feeling like me aside from the gaming world you’ll always see I am in. While we’re at it, I want to do a job that challenges, rewards, and excites me. Unfortunately, they’re diamonds in minecraft for me. And as romanticized as the concept has become, I’m completely serious when I say that I want fireworks, all the time. Am I really that different from the twenty-something who dreams of a white picket fence?

In the past five years, I’ve lived but never left my grandmother’s house – Same city and same country. It’s just recently that the home of the less clever world I sometimes dwell. Anyhow, I’ve woken up to the coldest and hottest weather in my sofa, sat in a rooftop with bland coffee I made myself, wondering if weed would really be as great as everyone said it was, and wandered the region of Hoenn on my 3ds once again. I think, after all this time, nothing was changed. Where is my Boston?

It doesn’t hurt that the average cost of a home is nearly one point five million pesos, meaning that, if the average international airline ticket was fifty thousand, I could see maybe 150 different places in the world for that price. Do you even know how many hotels that could pay for? Do you know how many trips I could take, and therefore how many kindred spirits I could meet, unique experiences I could have, street stalls I could patronize, waters I could drown in, cities I could explore, trails I could hike, mountains I could climb, dear friends I could make? To me, that’s like joining The Amazing Race backwards, in slow motion and it’s all worth it.

My home, my white picket fence, is with the experience all over the world. It doesn’t have a solid form, no brick and mortar structure. Despite the norm, or whatever seems right to the generation coming into adulthood at the moment, I think we’re a bit different. I think we see the world changing around us and we want to explore, and grow and see it all. If I am able to and if I can, in a heartbeat, wanderlust I will be.

Maybe one day I won’t be satisfied with this way of life, all the time. For my sake, I hope that I should start now because this is getting exhausting. For now, though, I have no qualms with admitting it: I am still stuck with chasing down temporarily high.



November 13, 2014

probably something similar to hug me i’m sCared 3. nighttime is pErfect since i hate the heat and that my skin might get tanned instantly. i want the mat Laid on the ground to be checkered red. any colored mat I guess. i want a basket beside containing not chickeN but my favorite snacks and niblets: crEam-o vanilla, hello panda, knick knack, iced tea, and a pizza perhaps… with much mushroom, and much cheese thank you Very much. gamEs to pass time such as uno stacko or word guessing are great with matching shouts and random story sharing the whole time. venue could be with A few people or two. a band or a noisy background is fine Too. we wouldn’t mind theiR businesses anyway. rainIng seems to be the perfect conclude to a perfect event. we Can share an umbrella or run for it while laughing as it ends a moment of bliss and accompaniment. Finally, we then wish that the day is longEr and the time is slower.

…then it happened and it was way, way better than i expected.


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