January 25, 2010 at 5:31 am (Downfall, Emo, Masterpieces, My Will, Project: Kill Everyone, Truth and Consequences)
i looked in the mirror this morning and whom did i see? not the boy i once knew a long time ago. not the boy who treasured life and loved it to its full extent. not the boy who once was happy.
no, I saw none of this.
instead i saw a child. a child without a face. a child without an identity. a child without hope. this hatred has consumed me to the point where i have forgotten who i once was. i have forgotten what its like to feel the warmth of another. i have forgotten how to live, how to love, how to…
but none of that matters now.
no… i must live through this anguish so that one day i may be able to go back and remember who I used to be. go back and remember the real me – not this fool I am hiding behind. it will all be worth it someday.
someday.
and someday i will finally be free…
toodles.
Leave a Comment
December 17, 2009 at 5:43 pm (Emo, Life As We Know It, My Will, The Drama)
i can never make it up to the families i destroyed, but at least i can make an example to all who thinks that crime is an answer. you see, i finally understand what the holiday is all about. you see, you can’t let things get you down in the holidays, because being happy is what the holiday is all about.
i’ve been such a bastard all these years and i finally understand, and it feels great. i feel like i am in my own Christmas special. you see…
holiday is our special time, when we laugh and sing and we feel cozy. forget about being angry for a day. remember how it felt to be a child, opening presents on christmas morning. that’s the way we all should feel now. so i say… happy happy happy holiday. happy holiday, from me to you.
and i guess that’s what i’ve learned. i’m sorry for what i did but doesn’t make up for it. i deserve to be in jail. all i hope is that i’ll make mankind lose faith in itself. yes there is murders in the world, yes, there’s rapists and thieves. but those are the vast minority. the majority of mankind is made up of caring people, who try everyday to do what they think is right. and that is the spirit of the season.
i, speaking in a criminal’s point of view.
toodles.
1 Comment
December 13, 2009 at 8:53 am (Downfall, In The Confusion, Project: Kill Everyone, The Mysteries, Traversal Travel, Truth and Consequences)
eleventh of december. the last day i’ll be deceived by this character.
i crumpled myself in the aftermath-fiesta smelling sofa when the containing substance of playing old consoles for the last ten weeks wore off. today it’s a must. I unpacked the carton containing the sega mega drive with puyo puyo jammed on its cartridge hole, hanging spiders’ nests, a probably 25 years old Nintendo family computer, or famicom for short, or FC for very short. i had in stock still the ancestor of every console i held and knew and threw off, the accessories needed to work the game providers, and some more spiders’ nest.
was about to play puyo puyo when i forgot to remember that the source of electricity to maintain is lost – sega’s power cord. i stare on the remaining console, which is the red and dusty-dusty-dusty-white to black color famcom. started to look for its POWER CORD as well and poof… Mario appeared on the tv screen.
Killing time, breaking head with question mark marked boxes, sliding down green pipes, and gawking at conflagration chains in kupa’s (or koopa, or bowser, or my nstp prof) castle, I ended my fanfare. I took some pics and video of my arcade-back land. And here’s why I am posting this right now.
usually this is what you’ll be seeing with the 20:20 vision.
but upon zooming in.
this is not an edited pic. This is from the actual 8-bit sprite of SMB when you zoom in. (i tried an emulator, and true, it is.)
i tried looking for mario and toad’s vicissitudes but seems the thing that they kept them unaccompanied can only be heard from the mountain goat’s thank you mario but our princess is in another castle.
toodles.
Leave a Comment
November 29, 2009 at 7:34 am (Masterpieces)
You’re killing me; you’re killing me with your kindness. You’re in my dreams. You’re in my blood. The meaning of why stop facing Microsoft word.
Down over me, I realized, I’ve been stuck with the bliss, the cherry blossom fields. An ignited feeling every time, drowning with love – was the story of my life.
And so, apprehending the basis… I was too busy being happy.
Feeling blue, you turned it to my ice cream fantasy. Milkshakes added strawberry and chocolate tidbits. My haven of free lemonade, to you I escape. Precious regrets and counsels I conquer, because I treat you a saffron tea, the royal one. And when in doubt, I reclaim myself to you, because you are my parfait… a pomenagrate parfait. My silence, my detaining, my unaided me, you linger endlessly, though it failed but retrieved again and again. The real me, the one you wanted me to be, I bamboozle with a simple fruit selection. And every time you leave me, you leave me shattered broken alive.
You are my continuing sweetness, my Sugar Xai.
toodles.
Leave a Comment
November 29, 2009 at 7:11 am (Downfall, Traversal Travel, Truth and Consequences)
I open the door, clinging to something I must be doing before nothing. I stare at the wall, the ceiling, the floor and the mirror. I see everything, everything that seemed to make me tired after nine of every afternoon. Just by a thought, I single out xai’s bag.
I unzip the largest closure and started sorting things.
1. My last semester sociology exam with a handwritten grade above the paper: “why did you even have to exam?”
2. Three statistics yellow papers, crumpled on the side, all indicated the struggle.
3. 2 registration forms. One with a full load and one with limited units because of one downfall and two crashes.
4. 3/4 sheet of yellow paper, folded in half.
5. A stress ball, with a printed stress-giving smiley on the surface.
6. 1/8… 1/16… 1/4… wait, all sizes of crumpled leftover yellow papers from the original one whole.
7. Glitters, not on a container or pack, rather, on the bottom of the bag, scattered all over.
8. A black bible entitled “Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas”
9. A hardbound Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
10. The life of Rizal handout, which talks about how he being not the national hero, but rather, Bonifacio.
11. Four journalism handouts, with focus on media literacy and biasy. All looked untouched.
…and a three page bond paper with scribbles bonded with adhesive tape (in order to stop endorsing Scotch™). I started peeling of about 1000 tapes just to, before reading. And it says…
toodles.
Leave a Comment
