empty.

I woke up by a text message coming from mikan. She was pursuing my skills on o2jam, wishing and forcing me to play in this time of the day. I checked the others, aniciete to delete, april to last read. It was thirty ten then, with glances to cover from the top position above bed. I replied to sweetie’s message later then, so the conversation goes. It ended up saying, “pasok nq.”

I brought my head back to the sack again. the thought of that it-was-early began to whine in my sarcastic turbulence. out of the blue, my sight began to fade, my head spins in a commotion I don’t know what. I tremble without the fear. I fainted.

(ding)

I was startled by the voice of my sister. She was blabbering about some amount of money she was going to have while I should get the full of it. irritated, I got up and looked at the wall..

Eight o’ clock on the clock.

The sun never had the spun time to materialize its UV rays over my desiccated skin. I front the mirror, looking astray and disdain. I did not know what the hell come to pass. I rushed down the stairs, people were just routining, no guess than noticing me. I should not bother. Soak myself up, down the drain the uncertainty that I was certain to. I ate the last piece that was served, or to think, to accidentally saved for me. straight to my pc I gone in.

And I made this post.

- no one woke me up.
- no one to just care enough to know what abreacted to me
- no one noticed me having this disdain, disclaim
- no one believed the excuse I did tell. Not just that, they told me i was a liar.
- Internet connection’s disabled.
- Unlimited session doomed. Though many times I did send UNLITXT80 to 2870, it just won’t budge. It never replied. I was on just being ignored.
- My mother and lil’ sister’s claiming MY MONEY. MY GODDAMN MONEY.

Lastly, I thought my beautiful rescue can end all of this. when I received her gm, I called her instantly, hoping she could REALLY turn my disdain to day.

She was added to the list.

Everything abandoned me today. EVERYTHING.
like hell I was today. like freakin’ hell I was.

toodles.

how emotive. how pathetic me.

Sometimes they wouldn’t understand what we really feel. they look at us like we take things serious no. they think we take things like a joke. then they look at us like we were walls unbreakable. we we’re not. we are just merely masquerading our loneliness so that we can be able to let them and made happy, show them happiness, and be able happiness to be shared to them as well.

in the state of depression since sunny side up, time slowly is bleeding today. i was leaving her messages, she won’t respond. My morning, afternoon, mid-evening had gone empty. suddenly, at exactly nine pm, she answered:

“hi sweetie! :)”

a sudden burst of emotion ran through my veins. i began an emotional breakdown in front of Microsoft Word. i cried unhesitant, said to her that i did, unhesitant. i don’t know why i can even formulate a post this time, press the keyboard keys while tears run off my face but refusing to reply on her text messages. i just can’t help it.

“RESPECT”

it made a hole through my heart yesterday and continued. we we’re arguing about something i keep on insisting. i provoke, she revoke. i demand, she reprimand. i get furious instead. and then it was slapped right through me.

“i don’t know what’s going on your mind right now but how about you? do you trust me and do you respect me?”

and so other lines that for me, is a kryptonite.

i answered it simplified though. we were connected through text messages that time, good thing, so it’ll be unknowing to her that it hit me soo damn hard. hard as of, and until today, at this moment.

reflecting, i was like remembering all things i’ve done. and by motion picking, it’s like i don’t respect her at all. it’s like i can be compared to a pathetic being being around her long before i came into her life - her kumags. it’s just like i’m just after that serious thing. after all, after what i’ve reflected, it’s like i don’t respect her at all. shameful me. pathetic me.

i don’t know if could still face her. i really don’t know. call me emo but i think i am right now. maybe if i die right now, everything will reset.

toodles.

clippings

today.

today, we went to mallmega to see sights of what we would be cosplaying. Since my papa ryoma and papa naruto can’t make it, we proxies should incline. Megatrade it was held, people flood, daring skins flow. We saw Kikiyo (spelled right?), Sakura from Naruto, Amane Misa, Chobits, Hello Kitty, Maya of Tengo Tenge, some Hentai gals perhaps, Sakura again, Sakura again, Sailormoon Sailor Stars and oh, the male cosplayers. XD

mac would be delighted if our own Naruto would be here. I would be completed if my April would be here as well. (sigh.)

sorrow.

today, while i was with my cousin, mac, i accidentally met my ex along the corners of 50th avenue. she was wearing her fav top and the usual skinny jeans with chucks to flaunt. i greeted her by tapping the shoulder my head was formerly been dropped to. she turned around and looked at me like she saw kyle patrick or whatsoever. she asked me why i was there, i replied with such nimbleness. then i bade farewell amidst, due i am in search for something urgent. she bade farewell too, smiling uncontentious.

suddenly my phone triads. it was her. it reads, “yan ba ang pinalit mo sakin, LALAKI?”. i replied, “huh?”. then reply replied, “haha. still the same freakin’ friggin’ you.” lastly, i texted her:

“ung pinalit ko sayo, ung hindi ko na ipagpapalit pa. “

toodles.

april peril.

Long post ahead. extend if you’re in a computer café. Stay patient if you’re at home.

The start of something is in motion today. april’s giving me some of my “first” of everything for today. yes, but a more something I could get, could perceive, could concern about for too much.

tension property of addiction

time for a friggin’ post.

Side to side with miscommunication and the biggest distance is i face still for the past longing april days. and as this boredom kills me slowly, my heart begins to sink in Australian version of mixmaster, the only thing to keep my time occupied, occupied uselessly, uselessly distracted. Still, thy longing for her makes this feeling’s aggravated, in exaggeration. On forwarded clinging hope from prulskie’s fallacious statement last monday, abiona resembles radiance for the verge. Having about thirty-four statements could be of help.

Birdco’s accompaniment still is not enough in a free battle zone or a rojeta dungeon hunt for a weisha. Spent almost half of two days for wastage hench item belts that just did the beating on my inventory, or to say, half-mark full. Then take pleasure in casting fireballs on lower ranked ditts and jins. About half of the population back then was wiped out due to comfortable stay on higher ground. Then I convene Julie Ann to procrastinate there as well. She was having the time of her life as she tackled upon issues involving my controversial hits. But then, it ended with warning – I’m still missin’ her.

Two forty-six on the computer digital clock, two exact on april’s heart, one twenty-one on my mobile, one twenty behind wall clock. Yahoo Messenger, Dyiele Mi Luana’s Project, FM Static’s Definitely Maybe, tension property of addiction, Alpha Guingcangco on taskbar.

Maybe I should sleep now than doing random post like this, or watch harry potter on a pylon.

Time, I need. Her, all I need.

toodles.