July 3, 2014
I thought the hug I did to her was the start of everything being okay. I thought the tears she shed and how I comfort her will be the end of all conflicts. I thought.
A flick of instance we were back arguing again. It’s not gonna be over. It’ll never be over.
The ominous cloud followed me to work. My bag got ruptured from the front, the jeepney I rode to exceeded the stop cuz I was wearing earphones, and I failed my CI. Yes, my running to becoming regular is done. I expected it too much and there, I got it. Experience gained so I got no regrets except the fact that I’ll be leaving everyone and that moment everyone shooked your hand and an individual hugged you, it’s a not-so-welcoming feeling.
I stepped out of the premises with a neutral feeling. I should be slowly crying or some sort but I wasn’t. And it was raining, as if the sky sympathizes me. And so I, removed my glasses, faced it and smiled while I feel its tears and said: “Sky, that’s life”.
To end, I’ll never forget the law of attraction my colleague tina shared. It’s probably the only reason why I finished this entry without burden.
To my next…
Ps. I should stop expecting anything from you. This is probably one of the change. You made me sometimes feel I don’t exist, as if you don’t care at all.
May 24, 2014
Tibsy. Tita. Tina. Two days. And oh, Jopay. Lol.
I’ve gone away from home to spend and guard her during her family’s extra outing and I’m actually both surprised and thankful I am that accepted and trusted. Anyhow, it was a routine of Bomberman, singing, eating, sleeping, Resident Evil, sharing whatnots, Tibsy and kitten-calling, circling around the house, hitting each other, staring blankly at each other, *insert imaginative things here* at each other and oh, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy~ A routine I don’t feel like ending that moment and in those days I am there.
One regret in my stay: I sneakily checked stuffs of her then stumbled on a special one and read it. Double damn wrong damn move. It deeply impacted me as I navigate the pages I picked that my eyes got affected by the heat. I know I’m still this shallow but now I know the feeling when the former gets frustrated and jealous whenever I write something about my former than the former: It hurts. Bad. So bad. I never should have read her work. My fault. How can I forget such?
And so the days ended and so is being together physically. If only I can stay longer. If only I can hold her more. If homesickness exists in me, now I know why I’m not homesick: because I felt home being with her.
I miss her badly.
April 20, 2014
Dear her appendix,
First of all, I hate you. I hate you for being the being to do this. Of all the goddamn people who deserves this it really has to be what’s mine. I hate you so damn much I could keep you in a jar with water and display on my cabinet where i’ll drown you forever in your own extraction. Too bad making you a trophy, a weird pet and a collection will not gonna happen because you’ve been disposed off, I believe. Lucky you, regretful me.
You gave her suffering, you gave me helplessness. As I see her curl up and cry on my shoulder and I hugging tighter, you’re there laughing your body off inside her. You did not consider how much we’re both hurting, much more her. You inconsiderate son of a bitch. But you did not stop there. You made your presence known by worsening and making her family’s expenses worse too. You just had to erupt and make her close to angels and away from everyone who cares about her and me. You even did that when I was already away. You really got your best way of making me fall down emotionally. Oh you should be grateful I didn’t meet you face to appendix else you’ll wear the suffering.
Regardless, I gotta thank you. Thank you for making me realize how much more she’s important to me. Thank you for making me feel helpless once again. Thanks for making me ride an ambulance the first time even though no siren to be heard. Thanks for making me thought I’ll be losing someone again when I just did. And last, thank you for saving her and not taking her away from me… Oh wait. You don’t have control over that… So FU.